If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
