Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize