Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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