I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
