I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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