Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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