you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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