Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
