I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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