Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she told me i tasted like america
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
