im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
