I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
