You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
