i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
