im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
