great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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