I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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