Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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