My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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