You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
