It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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