is your mom at the bar?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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