I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
