On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
