so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
