Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
