My Higher Power is John Stamos
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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