True but thats because hes a fetus.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
