i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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