We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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