Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
