Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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