Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
