Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
