My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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