so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
