Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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