I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
