I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
be right there i have to get my cape
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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