your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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