you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i now understand why vodka
I touched a dick in church today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
