hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
