He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
