I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
