My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
