You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
