I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
