he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
