What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
