Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
