This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
