and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
