Do you still have your period?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
