I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
