im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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