I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
