when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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