He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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