I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
