also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
