Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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