I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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