I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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