guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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