I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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