i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
