Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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