It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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