Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
