We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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