why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize