And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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