saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
