Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
