Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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