We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
