I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
