i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
how does that bad decision feel?
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